South Carolina Woman Spots Elusive Cryptid at Secret Mountain Day Spa

2 minute read

Redactosaraus is back!

South Carolina’s Debbie Arkansas had no intention of re-opening one of the biggest cold cases of cryptid conspiracy since the famous Patterson-Gimlin sighting of Bigfoot. Yet, in a stunning chain of events, a brisk morning hike and a single wrong turn have opened a pandora’s box of controversy, secrets, and a quest for truth from which we may never recover.

Lost amidst the wilderness of the mythic Blue Ridge Mountains for what she describes as “a friggn long time,” Arkansas claims to have stumbled upon a shocking secret tucked away in the ancient trees and rock formations — a top-secret government spa and retreat center hidden from the public eye. But it’s not this hidden oasis that’s truly the most shocking element of Arkansas’ discovery — but rather its unexpected occupant. For there, wading in a mountain spring and enjoying a nice long soak… Redactosaraus.

Sightings for the prehistoric creature reached a fever pitch back in 2015 during the South Carolina government summit for state agencies, hosted by KeyMark, the foremost reseller of automation solutions with an uncanny knack for mythical dino expertise.

While zoologists would not confirm the existence of RDS at the time, a persuasive sketch emerged during the summit, igniting a cult following for the shy sauropod. Within weeks, Redactosaraus became an internet sensation, and a viral hunt for more pictures of the enigmatic giant ensued. Then, one day, just as mysteriously as it had emerged, Redactosaraus vanished, and the trail to truth ran cold. Until now.

Colossal conspiracy! Redactosaraus is alive, well, & thriving...

Thanks to a somewhat grainy picture produced by Arkansas, it appears that after all this time, Redactosaraus has been enjoying time away from the limelight with some much-deserved R&R at this so-called government relaxation facility.

Naturally, skeptics have emerged to discount Arkansas’ findings, sighting the work of dehydration and delirium. Even the rescue crews responsible for Arkansas’ retrieval (notably government employees) refute her testimony, reporting how she, 

“Rambled on about the transformative power of something called Hyperautomation…” 

in addition to Arkansas making “wildly speculative claims about a secret government facility.” But for those with the willingness to believe, Arkansas’ account and dubiously taken photo is all the proof and assurance needed to confidently say that Redactosaraus is back.

Redactosaraus spotted at a top secret government day spa.

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